Where has the fun gone?
Fun Types and how to bring more fun into your life
Down the dirt road I careened; bike wheels whizzing so fast that pedaling was no longer necessary. To my left, a hill with a precarious ten foot drop-off and a one way ticket to urgent care. To my right, a gutter and a wall of dirt that would provide an instant and painful end to my descent. Failure was not an option. At maximum speed, I slammed the right pedal backwards, engaging the break and starting a skid that could easily get out of control. 20 feet, 30 feet, 40 feet, splat! Fresh cuts, scratches aplenty, blood and tears. THIS WAS FUN!
As a 10 year old, I used to push my bike up that hill daily, arms stretched, head down, panting, over and over, determined to set a new skid distance record. This memory stands as a testament to fun; freedom, danger, wind in your face, pushing limits, potential for failure and the glory of success. It reminds me of how fun biking down that hill was at the time and how my definition of fun has changed. Today, I still love riding a bike but pushing the limits of falling off a bike in any capacity is not something I consider fun.
As a kid, you don’t have to think about what is fun, you just know and your goal every day is to maximize fun. As we age, fun seems to find its way into the dusty bin alongside the broken-in baseball mitt, the cracking pigskin, the chewed up frisbee and the faded squirt guns.
Fun is like that person from high school who you know so well, then you go your separate ways for 10 or 20 years and think they are the same, you just haven’t seen them in a while. Nope, fun evolved, fun has matured, fun has changed in ways you need to spend some time understanding so you can reintroduce yourself and get to know fun again. Fun at 18 is not the same as fun at 40 or fun at 60.
A few years ago, head down at work, kids and wife at home, house and dog to look after I lifted my head up to look around and fun was nowhere to be found. I thought, “What’s the point of all this if I’m not having any fun? I need to figure out how to have more fun.” I asked around and, as it turns out, most the other adults I spoke with also had lost track of fun. Where did fun go?
What is fun?
Fun is defined as “providing entertainment, amusement, or enjoyment”
Fun was broken into the fun scale by a geology professor named Dr. Rainer Newberry back in 1985 after a particularly “hairy” trip to a study site. His scale has 3 types of fun:
Type 1 fun is enjoyable while it’s happening. Also known as, simply, fun.
Type 2 fun is miserable while it’s happening but fun in retrospect.
Type 3 fun is not fun at all. Not even in hindsight.
I think this scale isn’t complete and am going to refine this scale to better represent fun with 5 Types of fun.
The Weekly Wisdumb Refined Fun Scale
Type 1 Fun: enjoyable while its happening
Examples: eating ice cream, laughing, playing games, attending a concert, drinking, sipping coffee while the sun comes up, going to the beach
Type 1 fun is enjoyable now and in retrospect
Type 2 Fun: miserable or challenging while its happening but fun in retrospect
Examples: learning something new, running a marathon, hiking a mountain, working on a project, building something, a creative process like writing a book
Type 2 fun is characterized by challenge, difficulty, suffering or “work” resulting in an overall sense of fulfillment or accomplishment that makes you look back fondly
Type 3 Fun: supposed to be fun but not fun. Not even in hindsight but makes for a great story
Examples: Going snowshoeing and getting hit with a blizzard, taking a family vacation with the in-laws and realizing grandpa is a racist, running a marathon and peeing yourself, doing a remodel project and fighting over every decision
Type 3 Fun is fun gone terribly, horribly wrong. What makes it worse is it was supposed to be fun. Queue up the one and only NFL game I took my wife and kids to; we arrived late after getting fleeced for $50 parking, sat in the blazing heat and dripped with sweat, the family was bored and miserable, my team got crushed and we left early. The kids still complain about the event, I’m still pissed at how much it cost and that it was a total bust. When I tell this story just right, it’s hilarious.
Consider many of your favorite comedians, most exist or at least thrive from Type 3 Fun.
Type 4 Fun: fun in the moment but not in hindsight
Examples: over-drinking, cheating, eating too much, binge watching TV, spending hours on social media
Type 4 Fun is characterized by regret or a feeling of “not being worth it.” Many times is starts innocently enough as Type 1 fun but then goes past the point of no return. Drinking increasingly finds its way into Type 4 as we age. “Everything in moderation” moves from that annoying thing your parents used to say to your personal motto.
Type 5 Fun: not really fun most the time but, somehow, worth it anyway
Examples: Going to the gym, Parenthood, and Marriage fall into this category for many people
Type 5 is debatable and might not even belong on this list. Once I started thinking about fun, I realized that fun is a contributing factor to happiness and happiness a contributing factor to well-being so perhaps Type 5 examples belong in a different category. However, if you ask me if being a parent is fun, the answer is an emphatic, “Yes!!” Then a split second later, the answer is qualified with “about 5 percent of the time. 95% of the time it feels a lot more like work. Basically you give and you give and you give and its never enough and they are totally ungrateful and just when you’re about to completely lose it, walk out the door and never come back, they give you a hug or hold your hand and you just got your highlight of the day.”
My dad tells a funny story of a guy he knew named Gary who’s father was turning 80. Gary asked his father about any major realizations he’s had. After pondering for a moment, his father says, “Well Gary, I’ve been thinking about this a lot…I think about my life, I think about you, I think about your mother, I think about all the sacrifices and compromises I made over the years and, ya know, it really hasn’t been worth it.”
Type 5 Fun can move to No Fun pretty easily which explains the divorce rate and why so many parents/kids are estranged.
Your relation to fun changes over time
When I was 17, like most teens, I was living for the moment, it was all about Type 1 fun. My life was forever changed when my mom handed me a copy of The Road Less Traveled. A mind-blowing concept was introduced; Delayed Gratification.
“Delaying gratification is the process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with.”
This began my understanding of the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 fun. More recently, I’ve come to think of this in terms of past, present and future self.
Past Self vs Present Self vs Future Self
I wake up groggy and head into the kitchen to make some gourmet coffee. I’m a real coffee snob, so this is a very important part of my day. Most days, I find the electric kettle filled, the coffee beans ready to grind, and my Aeropress and favorite mug set out. No thinking required. No washing or tracking down dishes. Everything is ready to go because yesterday’s me did today’s me a solid. I’m grateful for yesterday’s me and today’s me feels thankful. Not to get too metaphysical but since we are always changing and can only ever be in the present, past you is kind of like a different person who is either looking out for your best interests and taking care of you or they could be ignoring you or outright sabotaging you.
Setting yourself up for success, making your life easier, putting in work so you can reap the benefits later is unbelievably satisfying and sure makes it easier to appreciate yourself. Contrast that with the you who went out late last night, drank too much, spent too much, made an inappropriate comment and now current you needs to deal with the repercussions.
How does this relate to fun? Perhaps past you spent the time to get in shape so present you can play sports competitively. Maybe past you got those concert tickets, planned a picnic, thought through a kick-ass party, sorted out a trip with friends so present you can reap the benefits. If you look out for future you, present you will be thanking past you. The illustration below sums this up perfectly:
Do you want to be successful or do you want to have fun?
Think about the most successful people you know. What type of fun do they engage in? I find that most successful people are firmly in the camp of Type 2 and Type 5 fun with occasional visits to Type 1 and Type 4. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Losing Site of Type 1 Fun
When I was in my 20s, I asked an older colleague what he did for fun. His response was, “Well… I used to hike and play sports but now I have kids.” If your answer for what you do for fun starts with, “I used to…” its time to reevaluate what fun means for you. By the way, I thought this response was pathetic at the time and, as happens so often when we judge, found myself in the same position years later.
At some point along the way many successful adults shift from present enjoyment to working mostly for the future. Think of the sacrifices you make daily so that you’ll have money for retirement. Other adults are so tired from work and kids and spouses, they don’t have the time or energy to even think about fun so they watch tv or scroll on social media or shop for passive entertainment. Most will admit this is not fun but we sure spend a lot of time doing it!
There’s also a group of people who spend too much of our life going after Type 2 fun so that we’re suffering all the time but enabling our future self to have some enjoyment. Others are devoted to Type 5 fun, where they get so little back for their efforts that they get bitter and resentful. In both cases, we forget to sprinkle in Type 1 fun.
I spend a whole lot of time in Type 2 and Type 5 which is why I wanted to re-evaluate what fun is for me now and how I can bring more Type 1 fun into my life. Maybe you feel this way too?
What do I do to have fun?
Think about this question for a moment. Its not something most adults ask themselves. If they did, they would be surprised at the answers especially because many things you consider fun today ARE NOT what you once considered fun and things you always considered fun no longer make the cut. Is it because people get lame as they age? Not exactly, people do get lame but its not really from age. What I’ve witnessed is that people get more serious, they get caught up in news cycles and comparisons, climbing the corporate ladder, being productive all the time, consuming or just the day to day struggle of life. People optimize for many things instead of fun. I’ve certainly fell into this trap. Have you?
That’s not my idea of fun!
Fun is subjective. What is fun changes over time. What you like and what anyone else likes will not line up perfectly. Some people think they should be able to do everything with their partner/spouse. This is a good recipe to ensure one of the two is not happy. Can you find anyone who likes all the same bands and songs as you and who doesn’t like anything else? Of course not.
Here are 4 short stories showing how subjective fun is and how it can change over time:
A good friend came back from a trip to Switzerland with her in-laws. Her husband’s family is Swiss and they went for a family reunion. There they were in the countryside, surrounded by mountains, sun shining, wine, cheese, and appetizers being served, kids playing and hollering with delight. Meanwhile, the father in law is absolutely miserable. After leaving the event the husband asks the father in law why he was such a stick in the mud at the party and reminds him that he was supposed to be having fun. His reply, “Fun? Fun! That wasn’t fun, that isn’t my idea of fun.” The couple was perplexed, frustrated and annoyed. The lessons? Some people are not fun, don’t even bother. Avoid things you know you’re not going to enjoy, you’ll just ruin the fun for others. Don’t force people to do what you think is fun, they’ll may just prove to you how much fun it isn’t.
As a kid I spent hours watching games on TV. I knew all the stats, the players, the records. Then, I realized I was just sitting on a couch getting fat or being lazy while the rich people I watched were actually having the real fun. They were playing, I was being entertained. After that realization I began doing way more active sports and way less passive activities. Play! Don’t let others have all the fun.
A few years ago I hiked 5 miles to Iceberg Lake in Glacier National Park. With chunks of ice floating by, I was propelled to strip down and dip in the water. It was painfully cold, as my legs went under, it felt like needles were being jabbed all over them. When I got past my waste, I went into rapid breathing because the cold took my breath away. Eventually I steadied my breath and mustered the courage to immerse completely. It was excruciating. Shooting back up out of the water, cheers echoed off the canyon walls from an audience I didn’t know was watching. As I sat on a nearby rock, taking in the sun and thawing out, I was in bliss. This was my highlight from an amazing two weeks at the park. This was the epitome of Type 2 fun!
While I was warming up at Iceberg Lake, a man who I’ll call Iceberg Mike approached and did his own dip. He and I got to talking about things and as it turns out, he was at the park with his wife of 40 years. I asked why she wasn’t at the lake with him. He said she used to love hiking long distances but doesn’t enjoy more than a few miles anymore, she’d rather ride horses. “I let her do her thing, she let’s me do mine. When we get back together, it gives us something to talk about.” There was great wisdom in this approach and a wonderful recognition that no single person is going to give us all the fun we want.
Bring More Fun Into Your Life
Fun isn’t nearly as spontaneous as it was when we were younger. We have to be much more intentional about it as we age. If you want to enjoy life more, plan fun things into your days. Schedule time with friends, travel, play, and activities so you know that each day will involve something fun.
To make things easier for you, here’s a pretty good list of “fun” things which I’ve grouped into the respective types. Read through the list and use them to write down what you find fun, compare notes with your spouse/parter, then figure out to bring more of it into your life.
Examples of Type 1 Fun
Laughing, Traveling to new places, Watching movies or TV shows, Playing video games, Going to concerts or live events, Hanging out with friends, Playing sports or being active, Reading books or comics, Cooking or baking, Listening to music, Dancing, Painting, drawing, or crafting, Hiking or nature walks, Trying new foods or going to restaurants, Attending festivals or fairs, Going to the beach or swimming, Playing board games or card games, Shopping or thrifting, Doing puzzles or brain teasers, Gardening, Volunteering or helping others, Roller skating or ice skating, Karaoke, Visiting museums or art galleries, Going to amusement parks, Stargazing or watching sunsets, Building things (like Legos or model kits), Going on road trips, Watching sports games live or on TV, Attending open mic nights or comedy shows, Exploring new cafes or coffee shops, Making music or playing an instrument, Taking dance or yoga classes, Playing with pets, Camping, Photography, Writing stories, poetry, or journaling, Trying out DIY projects, Going to escape rooms, Learning magic tricks or juggling, Flying drones or remote-control toys, Zip-lining or bungee jumping, Surfing, paddleboarding, or kayaking, Doing makeup or experimenting with fashion, Visiting aquariums or zoos, Geocaching or scavenger hunts, Taking online quizzes or personality tests, Exploring abandoned places (safely!), Going to farmers markets or flea markets, Watching documentaries, Learning a new language, Playing trivia games, Attending themed parties, Going wine tasting or brewery hopping, Making TikToks or YouTube videos, Taking silly photos in a photo booth, Building a blanket fort, Making friendship bracelets or custom jewelry, Doing science experiments at home, Riding bikes or scooters, Practicing meditation or breathwork
Examples of Type 2 Fun:
Hiking a tough trail or climbing a mountain, Running a marathon or doing a triathlon, Camping in bad weather, Taking a long road trip, Backpacking or thru-hiking (like the Appalachian Trail), Doing a cold plunge or polar bear swim, Grueling workouts or bootcamp training, Trying to fix a car or appliance without knowing how, Wilderness survival courses, Traveling in a chaotic or unfamiliar place, Performing on stage with nerves or stage fright, Volunteering for disaster relief or hard labor, Participating in a protest or march in tough conditions, Taking a difficult exam after cramming, Learning to play a musical instrument, Getting lost in a foreign country and figuring your way back, Roughing it on a minimalist trip (no showers, basic food, etc.), Going on a long bike ride or bike-camping, Learning a new skill that’s super frustrating at first (like skiing or surfing), Doing stand-up comedy or public speaking, Traveling with a group and managing conflicting personalities, Training for and completing something like Tough Mudder or a Spartan Race, Trying to DIY home renovations or build something from scratch, Growing your own food in a garden, Facing your fear of heights with something like skydiving or cliff diving, Doing something scary but growth-inducing, like quitting a job or moving cities
The Opposite of Fun
If you reflect on your days or months, you can probably identify things that are not fun; going to the doctor, taking out the trash, sitting in traffic, work, the bedtime routine for kids, or just about anything stressful. Its easy to go through the motions and suffer through it BUT if you’re intentional and creative, you can improve these periods of your life. Ask yourself, “Is there a way to make them more fun?”
Driving and especially driving in traffic is an activity many people don’t love and may find stressful. While I love a good road trip, I used to abhor sitting in traffic. Who doesn’t? I’ll tell you who. Me now. A trial version of Sirius XM changed driving forever for me. Nowadays if you happen to glance over at me sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I’m likely laughing out loud while listening to comedy on Laugh USA.
More Fun = More Happiness
Fun is a contributing factor to happiness. We all want more happiness. Think about your own life, what you consider fun these days and how you can sprinkle just a bit more of it into your life and the lives of those you care about?
Fun may have gone away but it hasn’t gone far. As it turns out, fun’s favorite game is hide and seek, you just have to know what to look for. Don’t forget to check behind the curtain! Enjoy!
What do you do for fun? How is this different from when you were younger?
And another thing! An extra couple helpings of Wisdumb.
Not sure where this one belongs on the fun scale:
Terrific video about fun:
If you have too much Type 4 Fun, you just might make a great song:
Note that a few of the links sprinkled throughout this post will result in a very small commission coming my way while not affecting your price. I only recommend items that I personally use and believe in. Thanks in advance.